


Ianto's Valley

by Teddybelle



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 12:39:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10513947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teddybelle/pseuds/Teddybelle
Summary: Jack has left with the Doctor and Ianto takes it hard.  Just as he's getting his feet under him,  Jack comes back.Set before, during, and after Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A good deal of what's in here is based on my own experiences. I still struggle sometimes. Writing things like this are a coping mechanism.
> 
> If you are struggling, please reach out. Someone will reach back. I promise.
> 
> Suicide hotline:  
> 1-800-273-TALK
> 
> Trans lifeline:  
> 1-877-565-8860
> 
> Crisis Text Line  
> Text START to 741741

Ianto was in a bad way. He knew it.

There was no sign of Jack anywhere around the hub today. At all.

Ianto had known things with Jack were too good to be true. But he had given into a foolish hope.

Tosh tried to reassure him. Tried to convince him that Jack was coming back. You'll see.

But Ianto knew better.

Jack was gone.

.oOo.

Two weeks. Two weeks to prove that Jack wasn't coming back. Why should he? What did he have to come back for?

Besides, Ianto knew the score. Everyone left him eventually. His dad left when he was 11, and good riddance to bad rubbish. When Ianto failed as the ‘man of the house’ six years later his mother passed away.

Shortly after that he ran away to London with a girlfriend, Sarah, who dropped him like a hot potato the minute her ex showed up, leaving him out on the street.

Then there was Lisa. God he tried so hard to hold on to her. Even when she was already gone. He couldn't let her leave him too. In the end the decision was taken out of his hands. She was gone.

And now, what did he have left of Jack? Only the blankets and pillows he had pilfered from Jack's little bolt hole in the hub. They still smelled like Jack.

Ianto wrapped himself up in them and took deep breaths. Hoping maybe tonight his mind would settle down enough to let him get some rest. Instead his thoughts went round and round and round.

The fact was, everyone important left him. It didn't matter who it was. It was just a matter of time. And they only ever had one thing in common.

Ianto.

.oOo.

A month. An entire month. It was a month ago today that Jack disappeared. Tosh still held out hope for his return, at least when Ianto was in the room. But Ianto knew better.

The bedding from the hub smelled less and less like Jack every day.

He had never hated a pillow before.

Some nights when Ianto touched himself, he thought of Sarah. Other nights, he thought of Lisa, and wasn't that just a mind fuck.

But most nights, tonight included. He thought of Jack. He imagined that it was Jack behind him, instead of the vaguely Jack scented pillows that were really behind him. He imagined Jack's sure hand fondling him as his legs fell further open and his other hand grabbed the pillow behind his head. He imagined he was fisting his fingers in Jack's hair.

He cried out Jack's name as he reached his climax. It was a sad imitation of what Jack could do for him. And as he softened in his own hand he thought again about how pathetic he truly was. About the fact that he was laying here alone-always alone-pining away for a man who left him without a thought.

He cried himself to sleep that night.

.oOo.

He woke up long before the sun. But this was nothing new. Three AM was his body clock’s new wake up call.

He sat on his bed with his knees pulled to his chest and watched the quiet street outside his apartment window. He didn't move. He couldn't tell you how long he sat there. Staring. He felt numb. He wanted to be angry at himself, at Jack, at anybody. He just couldn't spare the energy for it.

He knew in his heart of hearts that he was becoming a burden on the torchwood team. There was no need for them to waste more time humoring the teaboy. And Rhiannon and the kids would be better off when she didn't feel the need to look after her fucked up little brother.

He had stocked up on sleeping pills hoping to be able to get some rest. They had never worked, but maybe now they could serve a better purpose.

He wondered how long he would lay alone in his flat. He wondered who would be the first to find him. God he prayed it wasn't Rhi, but he wasn't going to have much choice in that regard. The last thing he wanted was for her to blame herself.

Maybe a note.

.oOo.

Tosh knew Ianto had been taking things hard since Jack left. So when she walked into an empty hub with no sign of him, she worried.

After 20 minutes she decided to check on him and worried even more when he didn't answer his phone.

Damn him!

She got back into her car, praying that he was only running late and they just passed each other. Her gut told her she was wrong.

When he didn't answer his door she began to frantically pound on it. “IANTO!!”

Soon enough one of the neighbors opened her door. “What's the matter, dear?”

Tosh was relieved for the help. “My friend, he didn't come to work and he's not answering his phone.”

“Hold on, sweetie. I'm the apartment manager. Let me get the key.”

Tosh was grateful. “Thank you.”

Ianto was sprawled out on the couch in his pajamas. It would have looked like he was sleeping if it weren't for the empty pill bottles and the note addressed to Rhiannon that were sitting on the coffee table.

Tosh ran to him. Relieved to find he was breathing, if only barely. She grabbed her phone to call Owen, only to realize that the sweet manager was already on the phone for an ambulance.

She prayed to a God she wasn't sure she believed in to spare her friends life.

.oOo.

She did call Owen later from the hospital, once Ianto was stable. She told him what she found with tear stained eyes. Amazingly, all his snark dissolved when he heard her sobs.

She didn't know how much time had passed before he and Gwen were sitting with her, waiting on more news.

.oOo.

“Your friend was lucky you found him when you did. You did a great job following your instincts.”

Gwen had her arms around Tosh while they listened to the doctor.

“Unfortunately he's a danger to himself at this point, so we're going to have no choice but to transfer him to our behavioral health floor.”

Owen had taken over the talks with the hospital staff. “We understand. Can we see him?”

“Of course. He isn't awake yet, but his vitals have stabilized. He should be soon. Follow me.”

.oOo.

Ianto woke slowly. He felt like he had the worst hangover of his life, and fuck all, why was he waking up anyway? Great, one more failure to add to his list.

He heard murmured voices that he recognized as Gwen and Tosh. Even better, more time for the team to worry about the fucked up teaboy.

Just more shit to add to his list.

He couldn't stand to face his teammates, he couldn't call them friends, so he rolled in the bed so his back was to the voices before he opened his eyes, coming face to face with Owen.

“Good morning, mate.” Owen was looking at him with a sad sort of smile. “You gave us quite the scare.”

Ianto didn't answer him and made it a point not to meet his eyes. The last thing he wanted was to talk to anyone.

Owen seemed to understand this and take it in stride. “You're going to be ok. No major organ damage that was found. Though you will feel like you were run over by bus for a few more hours. You're going to get about a week's worth of vacation on the NHS though. Nothing to be done about that.”

Gwen spoke up at this point, sounding surprised, “A week? Are you sure that's all?”

Owen nodded. “Give or take, but that's about the average.”

Tosh stood and was soon holding Ianto’s hand. “There are only a couple hours a day where you can have visitors. But at least one of us will be there every day. I promise.”

She leaned down and kissed his temple. “Please hold on, Ianto. For us. For me?”

Ianto kept his eyes closed and nodded. After he heard them close the door behind them he quietly cried.

.oOo.

Getting to this ward from where he had woken up was a blur. He remembered signing some things. He remembered being searched and being given hospital scrubs to wear. He thought maybe a picture was taken. He really wasn't sure.

That was three days ago, and he had to say he was starting to feel a little bit human again. Whatever that little white pill was that they were giving him at bedtime was doing wonders for his sleep. And the antidepressant seemed to be beginning to set in as well.

He worried about it working so soon, but one of the nurses told him she had seen that particular one cause a noticeable change rather quickly.

And the Torchwood team was true to their word. Every day he could count on a visit. It was usually Tosh and Owen. Gwen was uncomfortable with the visits so she volunteered to stay and watch the hub. But she sent little notes as a way of supporting him.

He was grateful when they agreed not to tell Rhiannon.

.oOo.

It was his first day back at work since being released from the hospital. Overall he had to say he felt pretty good about it. He was looking forward to getting back into things and moving on. He was even going to be getting back into field work a little at a time.

Things went pretty much as he expected. Gwen was a bit smothering, Tosh was like a concerned big sister, and Owen was sarcastic-even if it wasn't as biting as it usually was. He could almost say he didn't notice the Jack-shaped hole.

Almost.

But that's what therapy was for. He had an appointment on Thursday.

It was actually a good day.

.oOo.

It had been two months since his hospital visit. Three months since Jack left.

He could honestly say he was doing pretty well. Sure he had his bad days, but the good days always out numbered them. His therapist really seemed to get him. Granted he couldn't tell him everything, but it was good to have someone to talk with. And he was learning some ways to cope with his bad days.

He was spending more time visiting with his sister and her family. That was how he ended up with a date next Thursday.

It wasn't really a date.

Last weekend Rhiannon was visited by an old childhood friend, Liz. She and her family had recently moved back to Cardiff from London and she was reconnecting. Ianto agreed to meet her for dinner Thursday after work.

Tomorrow was Thursday, with therapy in the morning, a day of work, then dinner with Liz, it was going to be a busy day.

He was looking forward to it.

But at the moment, a blowfish had his attention.

Said blowfish was taking hostages and was higher than a kite. Dangerous combination.Ianto stood directly in front of it, pointing his gun at it's head. He didn't have the courage to shoot. Not with the woman it was using as a meat shield being held the way she was.

The blowfish took advantage of the pause.“So, this is Team Torchwood. The teacher's pets. But teacher's gone, hasn't he? Leaving the kiddy kids all alone. And look at you, trying so hard to be all grown up.”

Damn it! How did this thing know about Jack? How did it know Jack was gone?

The blowfish continued, never taking his eyes of Ianto. “The doctor, with his hands full of blood. The carer, with her oh-so-beating heart. The technician, with her cold devices.

“Which leaves me with the office boy, promoted beyond his measure. All of you, lost without your master. All of you, pretending to be so brave. All of you, so scared.”

Ianto noticed his hands starting to tremble. Who was this thing? How did he know so much about them? What else did he know? Damn it, Ianto! Pull yourself together!

The blowfish grinned. “So, what about it, minion? Can you do it? How good are you? How sharp is your aim? What if you kill her? What if I kill her first? Can you shoot before I do? Can you? Dare you? Would you? Won't you?”

Ianto was about to break down into tears and admit defeat when he heard a shot from behind him and it was all over.

He turned and thought he was seeing things. There was Jack. Standing there holding his webly like he had been parking the SUV. Not like he had been gone for three months.

Jack smiled, “Hey, kids. Did you miss me?”

Ianto stood frozen until one of the others pushed Jack out of the way. Then he left.

.oOo.

Back at the hub, things went as usual after something like this. They all knew their roles.

“Are you sure no more like him came through?” Gwen asked.

 

Tosh was typing away at her station. “Cross-referencing with the rift activity monitor. Doesn't look like it.”

Ianto came into the room, not able to look at anyone. “The car's been impounded. I'll get it back to the owner in the morning.”

 

Gwen turned to check on Owen. “How you doing?”

“Bio-profile's onscreen now. Nothing in his genetic makeup liable to contaminate the city,”  
Gwen didn't miss a beat. “Okay. Tosh, can you add that to the species database?” She didn't really want to ask too much of Ianto. He obviously wasn't taking things as well as she had hoped. “Ianto?”

 

Ianto didn't want his friends to worry so he tried to sound like he was fine. “Hello.”

 

She gave him a soft smile. “Sorry. Can you deal with the body when it's cold?” She really was sorry to be asking. Ianto could hear it in her voice.

Ianto tried to pull out a typical sarcastic answer. “My pleasure. And I'll be making sushi.”

Gwen caught his attempt at humor and smiled. “No, the morgue will do fine, thank you.”

 

Jack stood back and watched all the commotion. Finally it seemed to hit a low point. “Got pretty organised without me.”

Gwen turned and folded her arms. “Yeah, well we had to.”

Jack cracked a smile. “I mean, did you decorate in here?”

Gwen decided she had just about enough and pushed him away from her. “You left us, Jack.”

 

Jack looked a bit like a kicked puppy. “I know. I'm sorry.”

 

Ianto watched as Gwen pushed him again. “We knew nothing, Jack.”

It was tosh who came to Jack's rescue. “Where were you?”

Jack took a deep breath. “I found my Doctor.”

 

Owen was hitting his own breaking point. “Did he fix you?”

Jack put on his best shit-eating grin. “What's to fix? You don't mess with this level of perfection.”

Ianto knew what this meant. Jack wasn't going to stay. But he had to hear it said. “Are you going back to him?”

 

Jack looked at Ianto then. Really looked at him. “I came back for you.”

Ianto felt it as his heart began to soar. It was all he could do to keep his composure and not throw himself into those strong arms.

Jack looked at Ianto and couldn't read the look look on his face. In that moment he chickened out and looked away from Ianto to the others. “All of you.”

Ianto heard those three words and his world fell down on him again. The heart that was soaring a moment ago now lay shattered in his chest.

He couldn't take it and turned, leaving the room. He needed some time to process and cope and no way was that going to happen in front of Jack.

.oOo.

Again, Jack was gone. Sure they had tracked him and had followed him in a taxi. But this was Jack. He had already left once, what was to stop him from leaving again?

They were creeping up on the doors to the bar, trying to be silent in case of trouble.

Soon, shots rang out and had the team ducking for cover.

Next, a voice that wasn't Jack called out, “All right, everybody out.”

They slowly worked their way out of the room, weapons trained on the stranger.

 

“Everything all right, Jack?” Gwen asked.

 

Jack was quick to answer and set them at ease. “It's okay, okay, okay.”

John's voice irritated Ianto like nails on a chalkboard. “You've got a team. How sweet. Oh, pretty little friends. No blonde, though. You need a blonde.”

 

Owen rolled his eyes. “God, he's worse than Jack.”

John was treating them like children and it was obvious. “Oh, oh, do you have a team name? I love team names. Go on.”

 

“Torchwood.” Jack's tone made it clear that he didn't want to be having this conversation.

 

John, however, seemed disappointed. “Oh. Not Excalibur? Blizzard? Bikini Cops? No? Torchwood. Oh, dear.”

Jack sighed and began introductions. “Gwen Cooper, Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, meet-”

 

Jack was suddenly interrupted by the stranger. “Captain John Hart.”

Jack seemed even more irritated. “We go back.”

 

John looked offended. “Excuse me. We more than go back. We were partners.”

 

Ah, now here was the crux of it. Ianto had to know. “In what way?” He hated how unsure he sounded.

John looked smug. “In every way. And then some.”

 

Ianto's heart broke all over again. It was Sarah and her ex all over again.

Jack didn't seem to notice anything but the man in front of him. “It was two weeks.”

 

John smirked. “Except that two weeks was trapped in a time loop, so we were together for five years. It was like having a wife.”

 

Jack looked offended. “You were the wife.”

 

“You were the wife.”

 

“No, you were the wife.”

 

“Oh, but I was a good wife.”

Ianto couldn't take it anymore. He was done. He shut out the rest of the argument and went back to the SUV. He leaned against the car and waited for the team. He was so glad his therapist appointment was tomorrow.

.oOo.

Ianto and Jack ended up searching an office building together. He would much rather have been assigned to pair up with one of the others. This was incredibly awkward. Even if Jack didn't seem to notice.

“Oh, yeah. Loving that officy feel. I always get excited in these places. To me, they're exotic. Office romances. Photocopying your butt. Well, maybe not your butt, although as we're here why don't we photo-”

 

“The rift was active at these coordinates approximately two hundred feet above ground. That means this floor or the roof.” Ianto couldn't deal with the flirting and teasing right now. He just couldn't.

This time, Jack noticed. He stopped in his tracks. “How are you, Ianto?”

Ianto kept his tone of voice sterile. He couldn't break, not yet. “All the better for having you back, sir.”

Jack sounded offended. “Can we maybe drop the sir, now? I mean, while I was away, I was thinking, maybe we could, when this is all done. Dinner? A movie?”

 

Ianto couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice. “Are you asking me out on a date?”

 

Jack smiled. “Interested?”

Ianto found he couldn't take Jack’s offer seriously, and the time he had been spending with Owen came out in biting sarcasm. “Well, as long as it's not in an office. Some fetishes should be kept to yourself.”

Jack let the sarcasm go for now to focus on the task at hand. “Looks like we're gonna have to go through every drawer, bin and plant pot.”

Ianto realized quickly that this was a perfect chance to split up. “Right, okay. I'll do this floor. Don't want you getting over excited. And you take the roof. You're good on roofs.”

Ianto continued when Jack just stood looking at him. “Jack? Why are we helping him?”

“He's a reminder of my past. I want him gone. By the way, was that a yes?”

Ianto took a deep breath. “Actually, no. It wasn't.”

 

He couldn't look at Jack as the older man headed for the roof. But as soon as the door closed he sat with his head in his hands.

This was where John found him.

.oOo.

They were standing on top of the car park. John was gone. And Ianto felt blessed that it was once again Wednesday night instead of early Thursday morning.

“I'm going to take advantage of the time shift and go home to sleep. Tomorrow is Thursday. Owen you're on the rota this week.”

Owen gave Ianto a small smile. “Anything for the teaboy. See you in the morning.”

Jack was confused. “What happens on Thursday?”

“Nothing. Nothing happens on Thursday that you need to worry about.” There was such venom in Ianto's voice that Jack actually flinched. The others looked at each other in a silent agreement to keep Ianto's secrets.

.oOo.

Jack lay on his cot in the hub after getting more bedding out of storage. Where the hell was his?

He had spent a year enduring everything the Master dished out to him, just waiting to come back to Ianto. Even if for Ianto that year never happened it still weighed heavily on Jack.

For the way Ianto was acting you would think the year really had gone by. He had never seen Ianto like this. He was angry as hell, but he knew if he were going to be honest with himself it was because he was hurting.

And what was up with Ianto and the rest of the team? Why were they all handling Ianto with kid gloves? Hell, even Owen's scathing sarcasm had softened into a brotherly teasing. What the fuck was going on?

.oOo.

Jack was sitting in the hub at one of the work stations when Owen walked in with several cups of coffee from the shop around the corner. He handed one to Jack. “It's black. There's cream and sugar over there if you want it.”

Jack's irritation from the night before just increased. “Where the hell is Ianto?”

“Calm down, you've got your caffeine fix. He'll be in later.”

“Fine I'll have to make sure this is reflected in his pay.”

Owen shot Jack a dirty look. “Don't you fucking dare, Jack. You know good and well we all put in a whole lot more than our 40 hours here. Don't be an ass.”

Jack huffed up to his office without a word.

.oOo.

The team had figured out that when Ianto's therapy sessions had gone well, he would come in standing a bit taller, like he carried a bit less of the world's weight. He would joke and smile, seeming happy to be able to still be at work everyday.

But days like today, he came in curled in on himself. Not really looking anyone in the eye. These were the days he would lock himself down in the archives, only coming up to make sure the coffee pot was never empty.

These were the days everyone was careful with their words, knowing something may be taken the wrong way. The days that a hand might rest on his shoulder a bit longer than usual. The day that the hugs were a bit more frequent. The days that the words were a bit more encouraging.

These were the days Ianto was grateful for his friends.

Too bad no one told Jack that.

Ianto was beginning the first pot of coffee when his boss realized he was there. “Ianto! You're late! Soon as that coffee is done I need to see you!”

Ianto had just spent 45 minutes discussing Jack, and what to do. He still had no answers. As much as he loved Nick, his therapist, he hated that the man refused to give him answers. Sometimes guiding wasn't what Ianto wanted.

Now he had to face Jack.

He took a coffee cup up to Jack's office like a man going to his own execution. He left the office door open, just so he wouldn't feel so alone with the man.

He looked down at the coffee he was holding as Jack glared at him.

“You're two hours late. Where have you been?”

Ianto set the cup down on Jack's desk still not raising his eyes. “Nowhere, sir.”

Jack scoffed. “The last time you kept secrets you were hiding a half converted cyberman in the basement. Now you can't even look me in the eye. So what are you up to now that's going to doom the world this time, huh Ianto?”

The mention of Lisa hit Ianto harder than a fist. He tried hard to keep his composure, but he hated the way his voice shook. “N-nothing, sir. I, uh, I have some work to finish in the archives.”

“Fine. But don't forget I'm going to be watching you.” Jack's voice carried all the weight of the threat that statement was.

Ianto nodded and hurried down to the archives as fast as he could.

Jack watched from his office as the team took in Ianto's posture and shot concerned looks back and forth. If anyone was going to follow him, Jack suspected it would be Tosh or Gwen. He was beyond surprised when it was Owen.

Owen knew Jack had managed to make an ass of himself the minute Ianto left the office. He looked ready to break. Tosh and Gwen saw it too.

Owen and Ianto had managed to form a friendship in the past two months that neither had expected. So the doctor made his way downstairs to check on Ianto.

“Ianto?”

“Over here.”

Owen swore he could have Jack's head when he heard how broken the younger man sounded. “What happened?”

Ianto looked at Owen with tears in his eyes. “He threw things with Lisa in my face. Said I was keeping secrets.” His breath hitched and the tears began to spill over his cheeks. “First he leaves without a word, then he comes back and it's like he can't stand me. Maybe it's time I look for a different line of work. Maybe it's worth the retcon.”

Owen wrapped the Welshman in his arms and let him cry. “Oh, Ianto. I'm sorry Jack is being a certifiable asshole. But you know the rest of us are here for you right?”

Ianto nodded.

When Ianto pulled away, Owen gave him a small smile. “Besides, where would we be without our teaboy?”

Ianto gave a small laugh at what had become a term of affection of sorts.

“I'll be alright. It just wasn't what I expected and it hurt.”

Owen gave Ianto's shoulder a supportive squeeze. “You know where we are if you need us. And we can cover for you if you need another therapy appointment before next Thursday.”

Ianto couldn't help the small smile. He was definitely grateful for his friends.

.oOo.

Ianto spent the rest of the day avoiding Jack as much as he could. He still delivered the man's coffee without a word between them, and when Jack came to the archives to check up on him Ianto managed a small hello. But that was all the contact they had.

When 5:00 came around Ianto was ready to walk out the door. He was stopped when Jack came out of his office.

“Ianto! First you come in two hours late and now you're leaving? What the hell is your problem?”

Jack had been looking forward to being able to talk with the Welshman once everyone left. He couldn't believe this was happening.

It was Owen who stuck up for Ianto again. “Lay off, Jack. Let the kid live his life, yeah? If it was Gwen running of to have dinner with Rhys you wouldn't be saying a word.”

Ianto couldn't help the small smile when Gwen and Tosh both looked at him like kids at Christmas.

“That's right!” Tosh exclaimed, “You're having dinner with Liz tonight!”

Gwen kissed Ianto on the cheek. “Go have fun. We have things covered here.”

Ianto smiled his thanks to his friends and made his way out the door before Jack could say anything else. The others knew it wasn't a real date. Liz was happily married with three kids of her own. Daughters.

They had grown up in the same estate. She was one of his oldest and dearest friends.

They met in a little cafe not far from the plass. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

He was glad he kept up this meeting instead of hiding in his flat. They ate, traded stories, and laughed.

After dinner he walked her home and went in to meet James and the kids. They played card games and told embarrassing stories about each other until the kids went to bed.

It made Ianto's heart swell when they insisted that “Uncle Ianto" read them a bedtime story.

It was late by the time Liz walked him to the door. She told him he was always welcome in her home and hoped to see him for dinner at least once a week.

He gave her his promise, kissed her on the forehead, and walked home with a smile on his face.

.oOo.

Jack was livid. No wonder Ianto turned his date offer down. He went for a walk to burn off some steam and happened to see Ianto walking arm in arm with a woman he could only assume was Liz. They were talking and laughing and seemed to be enjoying themselves.

Of course Jack followed him.

Jack watched the house they disappeared into for hours. When they finally came out, still talking, still smiling, Ianto placed a sweet looking kiss on her forehead before leaving.

He looked happier than Jack had seen him in two days.

He stormed off, kicking a post box on the way.

.oOo.

Three weeks had passed since Jack's return. He was still just as hostile to Ianto as he had been in the beginning, even more some days. His appointments with Nick and the time he was spending with Rhi, Liz and their families was keeping him going. But only just.

The team saw it, and it scared them. Ianto was disappearing into that empty shell again. They all blamed Jack, and were hostile right back to him. They were like a unified front, banding together to protect Ianto.

It pissed Jack off.

Jack thought everyone had left for the night. He didn't know he was wrong until Owen barged into his office.

Owen had just watched Ianto leave the hub looking like a kicked puppy. He couldn't take it anymore. “What the fuck is your problem Jack?”

Jack looked up from the report on his desk. “I'm sorry?”

“Yeah, you got that fucking right.” Owen grumbled. “Why the hell have you been so hard on Ianto? You're the asshole who kissed him then left.”

Jack decided this was it. He was going to get answers, “Why the hell are you all treating him like he's made of glass and ready to break? He's a big boy. He can stand up for himself.”

Owen crossed his arms against his chest. “You really are an unobservant ass.”

Jack looked extremely offended. “Excuse me? He's the one keeping secrets. He's the one that can't look me in the eye and tell me what's going on. Am I the only one that remembers what he's capable of hiding?”

“Oh, come off it Jack. Haven't you figured out yet that the only one he's hiding things from is you? Any of the rest of us know exactly what's going on.”

“Okay, so what's going on?”

Owen glared at him. “It's not for me to tell. It's between him and his his medical team. I expect you to respect the privacy that comes with that.”

“Medical team? And you're the head of it I suppose.”

Owen looked hard at Jack. “Nope, out of my realm of skill.”

“After working here, nothing is out of your realm of skill.”

Owen scoffed. “Keep telling yourself that. Just remember, if Ianto does break like glass, we will make sure whatever part of your long life we can touch will be a living hell.”

.oOo.

Jack knew what he was about to do was wrong. But he had to know. What was going on with Ianto?

He was hacking into the local hospital's files looking for anything on Ianto Jones.

When he found it, he felt like he had been kicked in the teeth. There it was. Staring him in the face.

**Diagnosis: DSM IV Code 296.33, Major Depressive Disorder, Recurrent, Severe, Without Psychotic Features**

**Patient brought in after attempted overdose. Found by co-worker, Toshiko.**

Jack couldn't read anymore. He couldn't bear the thought of his sweet Ianto hurting so badly he saw suicide as his only way out.

“The teaboy was doing well until you came back.”

Jack turned, surprised to see Owen was back. “How bad was it?”

“It was bad. He left a note for his sister. I never asked what was in it.” Owen gave a nervous laugh. “You hear the phrase walking dead and you really have no idea. I never want to see anyone's eyes so empty again.”

Owen sighed and continued. “He can't deal with you, Jack. He's so afraid of you leaving him again and you haven't done anything to help with that.”

Jack leaned back in his chair. “You're right. I am an ass. I'll fix this.”

Owen nodded and left again.

.oOo.

Ianto was the first one at the hub the next morning. Jack breathed a bit in relief.

“Ianto, can I talk to you please?”

Ianto wondered what Jack was going to throw at him now. What hurtful words and accusations were coming his way. He supposed it didn't make a difference. They were all true.

“Please, sit down.” Jack walked around to lean against the front of his desk while Ianto sat in a chair. “Ianto, please forgive me.”

This was the exact opposite of what Ianto was expecting. “Sir?”

“I've been cruel to you. I have been so upset that you turned down my offer for a date that I haven't seen what's in front of me.”

Ianto gulped. “And what would that be sir?”

“That's something else I need your forgiveness for.” Jack took a deep breath. “I hacked into your medical records from the hospital.”

Ianto began to intensely study the lamp on Jack's desk. The jacket on the coat rack, anything but the man himself. “So now you know. How much did it say?”

“Honestly? I don't really know. I didn't read anything after the diagnosis and that Tosh brought you in after you overdosed.”

When Ianto was silent, Jack continued. “I would like the chance to talk things over with you.”

Ianto couldn't help the desperate chuckle that fell from his lips. “Oh, sod off Jack. Whatever it is this is to you, I can't do it anymore.”

“Can't do what?”

Ianto took a deep breath, trying to control what he was going to say. He failed. “I can't be what you want Jack. I can't be your booty call, or your part time shag, or your safety net, or friends with bloody benefits. I-I can't. I can't be a pity fuck, or something you do when your bored, or a fucking consolation prize when you don't get who you want.”

As soon as he was done, Ianto deflated. He sat across from Jack with tears running down his cheeks.

Jack got on one knee in front of the younger man and took his hand. “Ianto. None of those are what I want. I did come back for you. The entire time I was gone, coming back for you was what kept me going. I'm so sorry things happened the way they did. If you let me I'll spend the rest of your life making it up to you. I would have lost my mind if I would have come back and you were gone.”

Jack took a deep breath. “I know I missed my chance, but I have to ask. Does she make you happy? Does she take care of you?”

Ianto couldn't keep the confusion of his face. “She?”

Jack couldn't meet Ianto's eyes. “Liz? Isn't that her name? The one you've been dating?”

Ianto couldn't help himself. He began to laugh. Jack was jealous of Liz? “Are you jealous? Of Liz?”

“I'm jealous of anyone who can make you smile like that.” Jack said honestly. “But if she's good to you and makes you happy, that's all I want for you.”

“Jack, there's nothing between Liz and I.”

Jack looked confused. “But I saw you. You took her home.”

“She's an old friend from the estates. She's moved back to Cardiff with her husband and family. She invited me home to meet them.”

Jack looked at Ianto with tears in his eyes. “Ianto, I, I'm so sorry. I thought you were together. I was hurt that you had moved on and I took it out on you. I accused you of keeping secrets and such awful things. I've made your life hell since I've been back and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I understand if the answer is no, but please, give me another chance.”

Ianto furrowed his brow. “What do you want from me, Jack?”

“I know we can't grow old together, but I want you for as long as you'll have me.”

“I can't do these games anymore, Jack. I can't keep wondering when your going to leave again. You made me feel like something really special and then you were gone. I can't do that again.”

“We can take it slow. I'll go at your pace. I'll be the most patient man you ever met. Please, Ianto. I don't want to lose you again.”

Ianto felt his heart began to lighten. “You really came back for me?”

Jack nodded. “I did. And I'm never going to leave you again. You'll be sick of me and leave me first.”

Ianto gave Jack a small smile and pulled him in for a kiss. “I don't think that's possible.”


End file.
